Evangelists
by aznillusion183
Summary: A one-shot concerning what would happen to door-to-door Evangelists if they were to come to Deimon High. No pairs.


A/N: This is a complete parody of door to door Evangelists. No offense is intended, although it may be felt nevertheless. This story is based off of my own experiences with Evangelists, and is set in the period between the Hakushuu and Teikoku games.

--

_Ding-dong_.

Sena opened the door and saw a pair of well-dressed strangers standing on his doorstep. One wore a plain navy suit with a white shirt and navy tie; the other wore a flowery dress that went below her knees. They both held clipboards and smiled pleasantly at him.

"Hello, is this the Kobayakawa residence?" the man asked politely, somehow managing to smile with all his teeth showing as he spoke.

"Yes, it is. Can I help you?" Sena asked.

"Excellent! My name is John and I'm from the newly-formed New Life Evangelical Ministry. We noticed that your family was not affiliated with the church and wanted to tell you about how you're missing out on the wonderful words of God and the love of Jesus Christ!" John began enthusiastically.

"My name is Jane," the woman said. "Do you mind if we come in?"

Sena fidgeted uncomfortably. His neighborhood was quite safe and the duo seemed friendly, so he decided to let them in.

Once they were settled on the couch next to the coffee table, John began to spread out leaflets emblazoned with words such as "Jesus loves you!" and "How many people have you saved?"

Jane began to speak with gusto, "You see, Mr. Kobayakawa, many people in Japan do not seem to have found the word of God yet. Are you familiar with the basic ideas of the Bible?"

Sena nodded uncertainly. "I've heard a little bit about it, but my family isn't religious." _But I do know the Devil pretty well,_ he thought with a shudder.

"Well, what do you think happens to you after you die?" John inquired.

"Eh, I suppose I would get reincarnated—" Sena began.

"Oh, no!" John exclaimed. "Do you mean to say that you believe that you might turn into some…animal, possibly, after you die?"

Sena sweatdropped, "Uh, that would only happen if I lived a very bad life, I'm sure…"

Jane interrupted him, "Oh, you poor boy, to live with the thought that your life is meaningless! Well, we're here to help you…"

John and Jane continued to preach about "being saved" and going to heaven, as well as living a "Christian lifestyle." Sena listened patiently for a few hours, but then finally grew weary and said, "I'm sorry, I've got to do my homework. But thank you for the information." John and Jane thanked him profusely for listening to their little sermon and piled pamphlets into his arms before leaving.

"Don't forget to come to church this Sunday! The address is in one of the information books," John said cheerfully as he stepped out the door. Once they were both gone, Sena sighed in relief.

"I hope for their own sake that they're not going to every household," Sena said to himself. "At least there's no chance of them meeting Hiruma. Even I don't know where he lives."

--

The next day at Deimon High School, gunfire could be heard, punctuated by roars of "RUN FASTER, YOU FUCKING CHIBIS!"

Sena picked up his pace until he ran at light speed, and began moving between the arms of Juumonji, Togano, and Kuroki. When he reached the end of the field, he shook his legs out wearily. That was his last run of the day.

As the team headed back towards the Devilbat Clubhouse, Sena spied two adults walking towards the building. He groaned as he saw that they were John and Jane.

"Oh, Sena! What a coincidence!" Jane said happily, "We're here to teach your school about the teachings of God. Since your football team is so famous, we thought that if we started here then the word would spread very quickly throughout the rest of the campus."

"Ah, well, er, you probably shouldn't…" Sena stuttered, looking around nervously.

John and Jane looked up and gasped as they saw the flashing Devilbat mascot and heard the plinking sound of slot machines from inside the clubhouse.

"What an awful morass of sin and vice," John gasped. "It's a good thing we're starting here! Sena, might we speak with your whole team?"

"Oy, fucking shrimp, who the hell are these people?" Hiruma's voice carried over from the clubhouse door, and he sauntered up to the little group. "Unless you're selling munitions, then we're not interested," he snapped at John and Jane. He hefted his machine gun on one shoulder as his double-pierced ears flashed in the sunlight. His bleached and spiked hair waved a little in the breeze, and his pointy ears and teeth made his devilish image complete. His broken arm failed to make him appear weak at all. Seeing the clipboards that they held, he peered at the content and suddenly grinned. "Oh, coming to tell us about God and Jesus Christ? Well, why don't we go sit somewhere cozier," he said in a shockingly amiable voice. He took the unsuspecting pair into the clubhouse, booting out everyone else. Sena could have sworn that he saw Hiruma reach into his back pocket and pull out a black notebook, but he wasn't sure.

"Hey, Sena, what was that?" Monta asked.

"They came to my house and tried to convert me to Christianity," Sena replied. "I wonder what Hiruma's saying to them?"

They waited for a while, but no one emerged from the clubhouse. Finally, they all gave up and went home.

--

The team asked Hiruma what he had said to the Evangelists, but he refused to answer except to grin and cock his gun menacingly. A few weeks later, Sena did happen to see John and Jane walking from household to household with their familiar clipboards and smart attire. However, they seemed to be a little changed.

"Hello there," Sena said politely as they walked by. The two of them jumped, looking around suspiciously, but sighed in relief as they saw him.

"O-oh, good afternoon, Sena," John said nervously. "Your captain isn't around, is he?"

Sena shook his head, "No, why?"

Jane laughed a little hysterically and said, "No reason, no reason. Well, I suppose we better go, we have a lot of work to do!" They scurried off, dropping a few papers in their haste.

Sena stared after them in confusion, and picked up one of the papers. He was shocked to see that none of them carried a hint of religious meaning. Instead, they said…

_Come watch the Deimon Devilbats play against the Teikoku Alexanders at the Christmas Bowl! Ya-ha!_


End file.
